


White Noise

by Leaveitbrii



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Recovery, exorJosh, its just a gross sappy thing, this is some very lazy tagging
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 08:21:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7353238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leaveitbrii/pseuds/Leaveitbrii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lost moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	White Noise

**Author's Note:**

> Welp.  
> This is set almost a year after the incident and Josh Washington got his ass exorcized.

Chris slowly wakes, blinking drowsily into the darkness of his bedroom, walls lined with white light illuminated through his bedroom window. His legs are cold, half of the comforter curled under his cheek. He rolls onto his back, roughly wiping away sleep as he feels the empty spot beside him. 

It's not the first time he's woken up alone but it doesn't make it anymore daunting or worrisome considering all he's been through.

The sheets shift underneath his hand, soft tap of fingers over the windowsill and Chris forces his eyes open again, tiredly glancing over at the open blinds.

Josh is leaned against the glass, body bathed in grey darkness as he stares out the window beside Chris' bed. He had said once it was a comfort thing, not feeling trapped, some accessible escape when he was too drugged up to know where the bedroom door was. 

Chris props himself up on his elbow, yawning into the curve of his arm as he takes in the quiet, the stillness that follows when Josh stops tapping his fingers.

"Bad dream?"

Josh shrugs, chin tucked into the curve of his hand, eyes distant and if Chris looks close enough he can see the beginning glaze sliding over them. He's in one of Chris' shirts, neck stretched too wide, sleeves pooling around Josh's elbows.

Chris reaches out his hand, thumb pressing into the groove of Josh's knee, palm folding over bony knob and Josh chitters softly, doesn't look at Chris, vacant gaze peering out the bedroom window.

Chris glances at the clock on his nightstand, bright red numbers illuminated in the darkness. It's almost 4, bird calls whistling nearby and Chris has class in another two hours but there's something about the lighting, something in the way it pools over Josh's features, sharpens them, that makes Chris want to stay home.

"Josh..."

Josh clicks in response, tiny puttering vibrations that thrum along his throat and he turns back to Chris, eyes lined with purple and sleep, jaw slack and heavy and Chris studies the scar curving along the side of Josh's face a bit too long, a bit too hard because Josh ducks his head, shifts away, shoulders pinching tight together as he curls into himself.

"Sorry." Chris whispers, runs his fingers along Josh's spine, feels the slight tremor, the rattling purr that rubs back. 

"'s fine." Josh mutters, voice raspy and quiet. He brings his legs up to his chest, arms folded along his abdomen and Chris moves to sit behind him, pushing away comforters and pillows. He folds around Josh, noses at the tension lining the other's shoulder and listens to the shaky breathing that fills the room.

"Wanna talk about it?" 

Josh shakes his head.

"Okay," Chris says softly. He places a kiss in between Josh's shoulder blades, grasps bony ankles in his hands and Josh chitters quietly. 

"Want me to call Sam?" Chris doesn't actually want to call Sam, has always been a bit beside himself in how easy Josh can open up to her when it's similar to pulling teeth for him. Chris guesses it's because he spent a year chasing time with Ashley, spent too much time avoiding Josh slowly falling apart and it's what he deserves, what the Josh in his nightmare tells him sometimes before he rips Chris' ribs from his chest.

"No."

"How can I help?"

Josh straightens, slumps back into Chris' chest with a resounding pop, pop, pop in his limbs as he moves. Josh tucks his head under Chris' chin, fingers drumming mutely on his knees and he sighs. 

"You can't." Josh answers quietly. "It's not... It's.. You should sleep."

Chris would if Josh stopped freezing up in his sleep, would if he could ignore the tiny, trembling whines that Josh makes during the night. Chris would sleep if he wasn't worried about Josh hurting himself, would sleep if he didn't have to hold Josh down because he keeps trying to bite his way through nightmares, through demons, through memories. 

"I will when you do."

Josh looks up at him, blinking tired and empty and he reaches his hand up to push Chris' hair back, a small smile tucked into the corner of his mouth, scar puckered and gnarled. Josh pushes up, using Chris' thigh for leverage and faces him, pressing their forehead together, lips brushing and warm and Chris thumbs away a stray tear when Josh's expression darkens. 

Fingers twist into Chris' shirt, tight and shaky and Chris nudges the side of Josh's face with his nose, swallowing hard when Josh crumples in front of him, eyes squeezed shut, a soft whimper escaping. 

"What do you need?" Chris asks softly, winces when the hands in his shirt dig into his stomach. "Josh, Josh, look at me."

Josh does, blood shot and exhausted and Chris can see the beginnings of something frantic in his eyes. Josh blinks slowly, the gears in his mind slowly clicking away as he stares back at Chris. 

"Are you happy? With me?"

"Yeah." Chris tells him. "I am."

Josh nods slowly, doubt souring his expression further, throat grinding out click after click. He looks down then back up, eyes widening, expressive discolored pools of green watering and he bites down on his bottom lip. 

"Josh, I'm happy." Chris assures him, waiting for the panic to die down in Josh's face, waiting for the brittle worry to stop picking at his conscious.

"You're lying. You're lying." Josh snaps, tears swelling in his eyes. He weakly pushes at Chris' shoulder, lips trembling as a low sob works its way out. "Please. Don't lie to me."

"Hey. Hey." Chris wipes at the tears that fall, peppering Josh's face in soft kisses. "I love you, okay. I'm not lying. I wouldn't be here if I didn't care about you. Do you get it?"

Josh shakes his head, chest heaving as he bursts into tears, burying his face into the crook of Chris' neck. Chris holds him close, shushing him softly, fingers sliding through his hair. He knows Sam would have words to offer, some long string of pretty sentences and neatly wrapped emotions but Chris wasn't Sam.

"When your mom called," Chris starts, eyes darting up to the ceiling. "I wasn't sure how to react. I felt a lot of things. Regret, happiness and maybe I thought it'd be easier to forget the mountain happened, to forget that I fucked up but it's not. It hasn't been easy but it never has been for us. I'm happy you're here. I'm happy they found you. I'm here for you, okay?" Chris breathes. "Fuck, Josh, I'm here for you and it's not because I feel bad."

Josh trembles against him, dragging his face against Chris' chest with a broken noise. Chris grasps Josh by the shoulders, kissing Josh's temple when Josh stops crying. He swears softly, taking in the wet, red eyes and puffy, flushed cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Josh looks away, embarrassment evident in his face, tear streaks staining his cheeks. Josh sniffs once, then twice, scar wrinkling up as he glances out the window.

"Don't be." Chris says, lightly running a hand along Josh's shoulder. 

"I'm emotionally compromised." Josh huffs, staring down into his lap. 

"You've been through a lot." Chris replies. "Was that a Star Trek reference?"

"God, you're a fucking nerd."

"Please be nice to me. I'm sensitive."

"Sensitive, my ass." Josh peers up at him, lashes glistening and dark and he cracks a smile, reaching out to smooth away the newly formed wrinkles in Chris' shirt.

"I almost killed you." Josh admits softly. "I almost killed all of you."

"Josh-"

"Not today." Josh interrupts, "Okay? Just... Later. I can't have too many emotions in one day. I wasn't raised that way. It's bad for health."

"Okay." Chris sighs and Josh shoots him a grateful smile.

"You staying home?"

Chris glances at the clock. 5:52 AM. He bites back a groan, running a hand over his face. 

"Not sure." 

Josh regards him quietly, tiny points of teeth peaking out from his lips. He reaches out, lightly taps along Chris' forearm and there's a shift in his expression, slight, a bit unnerving and Chris swallows thickly, watching eyes grow dark and heavy.

A hand presses into his upper thigh, smoothing over hair and skin and Josh hesitantly tilts forward, glancing from Chris' mouth then back up, questioning, asking or maybe it's a plea, something softer and begging and Chris touches the side of Josh's neck, watches the other lean into it, presses his thumb against the base of Josh's throat, feels the pulse.

Chris leans in.

Josh meets him the rest of the way, lips parted and dry and they taste a lot like how Josh was these day. Subtle sweetness and bitter feelings and if Chris kisses back a bit harder, a bit more desperate, Josh only reciprocates, clawing along Chris' shoulders, fingers running across the nape of his neck.

It's heavy, kissing Josh, or maybe it's more like the weight of all your wrongdoings juiced into one solid thing, one physical manifestation that makes you want and want and Chris has spent most of their time together making it up for his failure, making up for his best friend's fate that he can understand why Josh reacts the way he does. 

"Too early to be having an existential crisis, Cochise." Josh is smirking up at him, crooked and lazy, shirt balled to the side as Chris holds him down, hands clutching bony hips, feeling the deep caverns, the ends of scars, the beginning.

Of what?

Chris doesn't know but he knows he can't put a price tag on the emotions he's bottled up that are reserved for the boy underneath him. 

"Chris?" 

Chris shakes his head, throat working through a bubble or maybe it's a rock, a stone wedged along his diaphragm. He leans down, touches the scar Josh wears, feels the immediate clench of muscle under him, the shaky exhale and it's not something he wants. 

"I love you." Chris says softly, lips tracing Josh's, thumb sliding over risen, dark skin and Josh inhales sharply, round eyes glistening. "I love you." 

Josh doesn't reply, grasps at Chris' shoulder, his arm, blinking back tears and that's not something Chris wanted either but Josh kisses him, timid, meek and it feels a lot like a response, a 'just wait'. 

"Stay home." Josh whispers.

"Okay." Chris answers, hands framing Josh's face and he kisses him deeply, licks his way inside, hears the beginning rumble that starts in Josh's throat.


End file.
